Why, God?!

Do you ever feel like there are things in life that just don’t make sense?

Because I do.

Recently I found myself asking, “Why, Heavenly Father?  Why is this happening?”

Not accusing, just confused.  I sincerely just didn’t understand why things were happening the way they were happening in my life.  I had a perfect plan for my future and now I was having to let go of things I really didn’t want to let go of.  And not only did I want an explanation, but I wanted Him to tell me exactly which direction He desired me to take to move forward.

So for a solid period of time I pleaded to God for answers and understanding, and all He gave me was peace——not knowledge, not clarity, not answers, not direction… just peace.

And it was then that I learned something.  A sentence came into my head as clear as day:

“You know, Lauren, this life isn’t so much about finding answers as much as it is about finding Me.

It was as if a little light dawned on me.


God was trying to teach me that it’s not so much about coming to know everything as it is about coming to know Him.

It’s not so much about understanding all the details, but about understanding His details–namely, that He is real, that He loves us, and that He has created a plan for us to be happy.

You see, if we can go through difficult circumstances that we don’t understand and through those come to understand more about our Savior Jesus Christ and His Atonement, then maybe that’s enough reason.  If we are tirelessly searching for an explanation, we may miss out on what God is actually trying to teach us!

After all, didn’t He say that “this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent”? (John 17:3)

Now, don’t get me wrong.  God does give us answers.  He does lead us.  But He also wants us to learn to make our own decisions.  If He gave us the answers to everything, then it wouldn’t really be a test, and we wouldn’t really learn.

I still don’t really understand why certain things are happening in my life.  I still sometimes feel sad about it.  But frankly, there are simply some things in life that none of us may ever understand.  Yet, through these experiences we can come to understand Him.

And you know, that’s an understanding that I sure would never want to miss out on.

So next time you’re tempted to exclaim, “Why?!”, just remember that the answer you’re looking for might come differently than you’d think!;)


This past weekend marked the official one month that I have returned home from Rochester, New York to Salt Lake City, Utah, marking the end of my full-time service as a set apart missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.


A month ago today, I never would have believed the change I’ve seen in my life since the moment I walked off that plane.  Coming back to regular life has been full of excitement, trial, relief, heartache, happiness, struggle, and everything in between.  It has been such a wonderful yet bittersweet journey!

love being able to see my family again.  I love being able to communicate often with so many friends that I care about in my life.  I love that I’m able to go to college and work toward having a bright future.  I love being able to drive around in my car and blast the music to my heart’s content. ;)

But every so often it feels like something is missing.

I miss the little things.  I still find myself feeling my right shoulder for my name tag.  When I write messages online or on my phone, I still go to turn to my companion for their input and then realize that no one has to proof read what I say.  I still have an urge to stand out behind the car to back someone up out of a parking spot. (Haha!  Sometimes out of habit I still do and then I realize what I’m doing and awkwardly get in the car and pretend like nothing happened!)

But I also miss the big things.  I miss having the increased sense of purpose that comes from knowing exactly what God wants me to do each day.  I miss teaching people about Jesus Christ everyday, and helping people know that God is their loving Heavenly Father who wants them to be happy.  I miss not having to worry about anything else except for the gospel.  I miss going out and hitting the streets of Rochester, talking with everyone I see and sharing with them my testimony of the eternal truths that I would never want to live my life without.

However!  I was inspired by Sister Beckham, a leader in the church, who said,

“Remember, we will return to [Heavenly Father] by moving forward, not backward, and in the process we will become changed. Our transitions make possible that change.  Every transition, every change, gives us a chance to choose again to have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and in the principles of his gospel.”

And so, while a part of my heart still lies in Western New York, I’m thankful that God has given me this time to transition home.  Coming home has given me a chance to choose again to have faith in my Savior.  I have spent the last almost 19 months of my life helping others to make decisions out of faith in Him, and I’ve realized that now is the time to really put that to the test in my own life.

Besides!  We’ve all been given a promise in Alma 37:44, 45:

“Give heed to the word of Christ, which will point to you a straight course to eternal bliss.  …For the words of Christ, if we follow their course, carry us beyond this vale of sorrow into a far better land of promise.”

THAT, my friends, is what I trust in!  Whether you are a missionary or not, the words of Christ will always point toward eternal bliss.  They will always carry us through life’s transitions and lead us to the greater things of eternity.  They will always help us find a sense of purpose, peace, and direction in our life.  Why? Because our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, will always love us and they will never leave us alone.

So go out!  Like my stake president said, “You are never released from being a disciple of Jesus Christ.

Name-tag or no name-tag, go help someone find the Lord today! :D


565.  That’s how many days I have been set apart as a full-time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE  That is a lot of days!  A lot of days filled with joys, tears, laughter, disappointments, miracles, and everything in between.  I have seen myself transform.  I have seen lives change.  I have seen people’s hearts soften.  I have seen souls come to light up as they realize with excitement that they have finally found the church Jesus Christ himself is leading.  I can say nothing less than that every single day has been nothing short of a miracle.

So why does it have to end?!  My answer came through the words of one of the Lord’s modern-day apostles:

In light of what we know about our eternal destiny, is it any wonder that whenever we face the bitter endings of life, they seem unacceptable to us? There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings.

Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny.

The more we learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ, the more we realize that endings here in mortality are not endings at all. They are merely interruptions—temporary pauses that one day will seem small compared to the eternal joy awaiting the faithful.

How grateful I am to my Heavenly Father that in His plan there are no true endings, only everlasting beginnings.
~President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Grateful in Any Circumstance

Amen, President Uchtdorf!  I am so thankful to know that just because I have come to the end of my full-time missionary service in New York, it does not mean that my service is over.  It does not mean goodbye forever to the people that I love.  Instead, it’s a beginning :)

New York, you will forever hold my heart!

Never forget, THE CHURCH IS TRUE!

And I’ll miss you! ♥

–Sister Kasparian

Who Are You Passing By?

Here are some conversations Sister Newson and I have had with people on the street lately:

Sister Newson, holding out a card: Hello!  Would you like some Christmas cheer?

Man walking by: NO.

Sister Newson: Are you sure?

Man: Yes.

*keeps walking*

Me: Hello!  We would love to share this short video with you about Jesus Christ and the peace we can find from Him this Christmas season!  Would you say that He has played a role in your life?

Man: Nope.  Not whatsoever.  And I’m not interested.

Sister Newson: Hello!  How are you doing?

Man in his yard: Fine, thank you.  What are you two doing out today, going for a walk?

Sister Newson: We are!  And we are spreading the Christmas spirit about Jesus Christ!  We have this card that will lead you to a great little video about how He is the true gift of Christm–

Man: *walking away* I don’t have time, sorry.

Haha!  And there are more where those came from!  Seems like Rochester needs a little bit more of the magic of Christmas, wouldn’t you say?

As I’ve had many experiences like this lately, my heart has been hit with a kind of sadness I can’t really explain.  Not because people are rejecting me, but because ultimately they are rejecting Christ.

As missionaries for His church, we are literally called by a prophet of God to represent the Savior Himself.  And I just think, how would these people’s responses be different if Jesus Christ was literally right there asking them the same questions?

What would your response be?  Are you passing by Him without a second thought?  Are you too busy for Him?  Are you simply not interested in Him?  If He were here on the street, would you care to stop and hear His message?

I can’t imagine how the Savior feels, having literally suffered the pains, sorrows, sins, and afflictions of all humankind (2 Nephi 9:21, Alma 7:11-12) and having so many people simply not even care.

And the amazing thing?  Despite how many people reject Him, deny Him, ignore Him, mock Him, disregard Him, or think He simply doesn’t matter, His arm of mercy is still extended to ALL of them.  (Alma 5:33).  Every single one of them.  No matter what they have done, He still reaches out to every individual soul on this earth and offers them His healing hand if they will but repent and turn unto Him. (3 Nephi 9:14)

Isn’t that the most beautiful thing you have ever heard?!  I know it is for me!  I have felt His healing hand in my life and I know that His love is the BEST GIFT I have ever received.  It’s for that reason that we keep spreading His name.

So for those of you who already know and love Jesus Christ all the way to those who don’t care one bit about Him: Learn of Him.  Put in the time for Him.  I promise you, He is there.

This Christmas season, don’t pass Him by!


“For I know that God is not a partial God, neither a changeable being; but he is unchangeable from all eternity to all eternity.” Moroni 8:18

Isn’t that one of the most comforting things you’ve ever heard?  We can trust God because He is constant!  He is not partial, He is not variable, He is not transient.  His nature will never suddenly change.

He is 100% here for us 100% of the time.

Think of it!  Because He is unchangeable, He is 100% trustworthy.  I know I can give my whole heart to Him because unlike some of our relationships in mortality, I know He will not go anywhere.  He will not become disinterested in us, He will not give up on us.  He will always be there!

God loved His children in the past, and He loves His children today.  He spoke to prophets in the past, He speaks to prophets today.  He performed miracles in the past, He performs miracles today.  He gave us commandments in the past, He gives us commandments today.  He led a church through His Son Jesus Christ in the past, and He leads a church through Jesus Christ today.

Doesn’t it all just make sense?!

So today, make the decision to trust Him.  You will never regret it, because He will never fail you. ♥


Be blessed!

Facing Anxiety With Hope

You are called to represent Jesus Christ in helping people become clean from their sins.
~Preach My Gospel, A Guide to Missionary Service

Okay, does anyone feel like that’s a pretty big deal?  Because I feel like that’s a pretty big deal!  To be honest, I often feel a constant sense of anxiety as a missionary because there is so much on our heads and so much we need to be doing for the people we are called to serve.  It can be hard to deal with, and when it gets too overwhelming I pray that the Lord will take those feelings of anxiety and replace them with calm and confidence in Him.  I have indeed felt His help as I live each day; but so far those feelings have not been taken away!

So, I started looking at anxiety from a different angle.

As I’ve read through the Book of Mormon, I noticed many of the prophets speaking of the anxiety that they feel for their people:

…mine anxiety is great for you… (2 Nephi 6:3)

…am weighed down with much more desire and anxiety for the welfare of your souls… (Jacob 2:3)

…this he did because of the great anxiety of his people… (Mosiah 28:12)

…I wish from the inmost part of my heart, yea, with great anxiety even unto pain, that ye would hearken unto my words… (Alma 13:27)

And I started noticing a theme.  Anxiety is not always a bad thing!  It actually seems to be something that naturally follows a true disciple of Jesus Christ.  However.  The key is that this anxiety doesn’t lead to a sense of hopelessness or depression but instead to humility and trust.  As followers of the Savior, we have a love for all those around us and we are concerned for their welfare.  We worry about how to help them.  We want them to feel happiness.  In my case as a missionary especially, I want them to have the restored gospel and have their eyes and hearts opened to its truthfulness. Those are all things that can cause a sense of “anxiety” in us, especially because we can’t control others’ actions.  Even if what we are feeling anxious about isn’t necessarily other people but about future events, careers, finances, etc… there is a lot out there that might contribute to our worried feelings!  But, instead of getting overwhelmed with these concerns, if we turn them over to the Lord and trust Him, He will speak peace to us.  If we let “righteous anxiety” lead us to humble ourselves before God, realizing we can’t do it on our own, and then ask Him for His help, I know that He will ease our minds and lead us to what we can do to best help His children or succeed in our own lives.

So even though missionary life (and life in general) can be stressful and overwhelming, take heart in that there will always be peace.  Because no matter what, in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, there is peace.

Turn to Him, and He will give you relief <3

And have a beautiful day!

Trusting in God’s Promises

Lately I have been thinking about doubt.  Let’s be honest, we all experience it sometimes.  Whether it is doubt in our own abilities, doubt in other people, doubt in answers to questions, even doubt in God.

However, I’ve also been thinking a lot about promises!  And not just any promises, but God’s promises.  One definition states that a promise is a commitment to someone that you will definitely do something or that something will definitely happen in the future.  It is something we should be able to trust in, and something that should usually bring us a sense of hope and assurance.  

Now, not everyone keeps their promises.  But the Lord and Master, our Savior Jesus Christ, DOES.

I have recently learned a lot about how trustworthy He really is.  This past summer, all the missionaries in the New York Rochester Mission read the entire Book of Mormon together in just under 9 weeks.  We marked every reference to Christ–His attributes, His words, His names, His doctrines.  It was the best challenge EVER!  I made some connections as I found myself in its pages:

People in the Book of Mormon, just like today, were faced with extreme difficulties and trials.  They struggled with their faith, they experienced profound disappointments, they saw families torn by discord, and there were times when they were in spiritual or physical bondage.  There were many of them who faced doubts.  There were many times when things just didn’t make sense.  Yet despite all of these struggles, there were those who remained faithful to the Lord and trusted that His promises would be fulfilled.  Despite how at times everything seemed against their favor and they were perhaps wondering how God could possibly be answering their prayers, they held fast to their trust in Him and never doubted that He would fulfill His word.  Often His promises were not fulfilled until much later than they had supposed, and yet for those who kept His commandments and remained close to Him, they always were fulfilled.

Think for a moment.  What are the promises that God has made to you?  Do you know them?  Do you truly understand the promises that He extends to all those who are faithful to His name?

He promises that He will be with us and never forsake us.  He promises us that in our hour of trial, He will not leave us comfortless.  He promises us that whatever we leave behind for His sake, He will give us a hundredfold in return.  He promises us that despite whatever challenges we pass through, we will find a fullness of joy as we endure righteously. He promises us that we will have all that His Father has.  Ultimately, He promises us everlasting salvation and eternal life.

And these are just the beginning.  What greater promises could you have than from the Creator of all things?  His word NEVER fails!  

So if you’re confused, discouraged, doubtful, or starting to question whether God really hears your prayers, don’t worry. Be patient. Because “God is powerful to the fulfilling of all His words. … He will fulfill his promises which he shall make unto you, for he has fulfilled his promises which he has made unto our fathers.” (Alma 37:16-17)